I’ve had anxiety probably since I was born…
Anxiety
I realize that the few moments I didn’t experience anxiety was when I buried my nose in a book. I used books as a coping mechanism to escape reality and disassociate. Other peaceful moments included being with my closest friends that really helped me “blossom” out of my little shell. I grew up in a home with an abusive narcissistic mother and every time I knew she was coming home from work I immediately went into freeze/flight/fight mode.
Trauma
Maybe you can relate to growing up in a similar household. The effects of experiencing trauma like this feels like it lasts a lifetime. I’ve tried so many different healing modalities over the years. I’ve gone to therapy (that deserves a whole other article on its own to express my frustration & limitations I find when it comes to conventional mental help) Over time working with healers, life coaches, educating myself, and researching I find that anxiety is not something to get rid of completely. Feeling anxiety is actually a very useful emotion, however we shouldn’t have to feel anxiety all the time.) I’ve found that I’ve continued to manifest very traumatic experiences that would activate my anxiety to very high levels and the slightest little things would trigger me into a mini panic. Many of the modalities I’ve tried have given me short bursts of relief.
The Positive
There is a documentary called Fantastic Fungi you can watch here on youtube. I wish I journaled my first experience with mushrooms. It was absolutely beautiful, it’s as if I felt my heart crack open. I started to feel all the things & the sadness I had been repressing. I began to think about things in a way I have not thought before that truly felt healing to me. Over the course of maybe a month, I felt an enormous boost of creativity, energy, and libido. I felt motivated to do all the things I wanted to do and saw everything in a different light. There were moments that I found myself in certain situations where I would normally feel intense anxiety but felt calmer. I also sensed a feeling of deep peace within me; a serenity that had been missing but….
The Negative
There were days that I would microdose with the mushrooms and all my feelings of anxiety would resurface. There were about two mushroom journeys that really spooked me with the heightened anxiety however I believe that this experience came through so I could integrate these feelings because I was so resistant to it. I never wanted to acknowledge anxiety when she would arise within me and I would just push her down as deep as I could. I also find that the environment which you are in plays a huge difference. Microdosing is more beneficial when you are outside in nature.
Despite those very few negative experiences overall I feel like I have gained such powerful insights & healing. My hope is that more people try these kinds of natural medicines and see for themselves what they can gain. Microdosing with mushrooms is not recommended if you are on psychiatric drugs.
Theres an amazing book called The Psychedelic Explorer’s Guide by James Faudiman, The Safe, Therapeutic, and Sacred Journeys I recommend reading. Another post on herbal remedies for anxiety you can find here.
